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SMALL APARTMENTS Ebook Now Available for Kindle and Nook!

2012-03-09T11:05:00.002-05:00

Hooray! On the same day the SXSW Film Festival begins, the Small Apartments ebook becomes available for purchase on kindle and nook. Please buy your copy today to support the dream of weird, dark comic fiction writers turned screenwriter/producers everywhere!

Small Apartments SXSW Film Preview in the Austinist

2012-03-05T15:36:00.002-05:00

By Matt Shiverdecker in Arts & Entertainment

Swedish director Jonas Akerlund is probably still best known for his iconic 90's music videos like Madonna's "Ray Of Light" and The Prodigy's "Smack My Bitch Up." Over the years, he's brought his unique visual style to the big screen with cult favorite Spun and 2009's little-seen Horsemen.

His latest film, Small Apartments, is making its World Premiere at SXSW this year and it stars Matt Lucas (from the hit UK comedy series Little Britain) along with a bizarrely fantastic cast of characters that includes Peter Stomare (Fargo), Dolph Lundgren, and Billy Crystal. There isn't even a trailer online for this one yet, but it's high on our list of must-see films at the festival.

You'll have four chances to catch it at SXSW, including Saturday, March 10 at the Alamo South Lamar and Saturday, March 17 at the Alamo Ritz. Visit autinist.com here.

"Small Apartments" director Jonas Akerlund interviewed for SHOOTONLINE

2012-02-20T16:23:00.003-05:00

Spotmakers Set To Debut Films At SXSW Festival

AUSTIN, Texas, February 17, 2012, Robert Goldrich --- Over the past year, director Jonas Akerlund balanced a workload of close to 30 commercials, five music videos and a feature film, Small Apartments. The latter—with a cast that includes Matt Lucas, Billy Crystal, James Caan, Johnny Knoxville, Juno Temple and James Marsden—makes its world premiere at the South By Southwest (SXSW) Film Conference and Festival slated for March 9-17 in Austin.

Akerlund is one of several helmers with spotmaking ties (he is repped by Serial Pictures) to have a feature-length film at SXSW this year. Small Apartments is a dark comedy in which a man accidently kills his landlord, kicking off a wild journey that meshes both humor and more serious considerations. "The movie is really about hope and not giving up, opening up your mind to deal with changes in life," related Akerlund. "The film starts out like a traditional comedy with strong characters and funny moments. Yet as the story unfolds, it becomes more serious, offering a bit of a message and an emotional aspect."

Akerlund first came across Small Apartments 10-plus years ago. "I always loved the book. This is one of those passion projects that I've been hoping I could get made into a movie one day." One of the stumbling blocks for Akerlund was finding "someone special" to play the main character, Franklin Franklin. "The question for me was always, 'who is the guy brave enough in Hollywood to become Franklin?' A few years ago I cast my eyes on Matt Lucas, an English actor, mostly known for the U.K. TV series Little Britain. I liked what I saw and promised myself that if he wants to do Small Apartments, I would somehow get this film made. I sent him the book and the script, and got an instant response from him that he wanted to do the movie."

It took another year or two to get the film going. Favors had to be called in so as to make production viable within a limited budget. "We decided to shoot in Los Angeles, which might seem odd to some in that it can be more expensive to produce here. But it was a good decision because this is a character-driven film and we needed a strong cast," noted Akerlund. "We aimed high on the cast and when you're asking actors to do you a favor and work for less, you've got a much better chance if all they have to do is roll down the hill and shoot in L.A. rather than them having to fly to Canada, Prague or somewhere else."

This will mark Akerlund's first time attending SXSW. "I'm not much of a film festival guy," he related. "Yet I've heard about South By Southwest the past two or three years, even got some phone calls from friends who were there and told me I would enjoy the experience. From what I've heard, it seems that it's becoming what Sundance used to be, which sounds like it could be a good place for a weird movie like mine."

Akerlund said that another "good place" for him is the spotmaking arena. "It's what I do the most of and without my experience in advertising, there's no way I could have done movies and documentaries. Commercials have helped me in collaboration, creatively and on the practical side."

"Small Apartments" co-star named among Best L.A. Stage Performances of 2011

2012-02-19T17:37:00.007-05:00

Scott Sheldon, who plays the hilarious Officer Smith in the upcoming feature, "Small Apartments," which will debut March 10 at the South by Southwest Film Festival, has been named by "Stage and Cinema" as one of the best stage performances of 2011 for his role as Moony in the Tennessee Williams play, "Moony's Kid Don't Cry," staged by The New American Theatre in Los Angeles.

In "Stage and Cinema," Harvey Perr writes, "(Tennessee) Williams, of course, loved actors, and wrote some of the greatest parts in the history of the American theater; actors have so much fun playing them, and that particular joy was expressed in Five Beauties. But of the five one-acts, it was in Williams’ early and uncharacteristic “Moony’s Kid Don’t Cry” (one of the five) that Scott Sheldon exploded into one’s consciousness by transforming himself into the hapless Moony."

And in an earlier review, The Los Angeles Times hailed Sheldon's performance as, "bravura."

Read the the "Stage and Cinema article here, and the Los Angeles Times article here. Link to the play here. Unfortunately, the play has closed its run. So, look for Sheldon when "Small Apartments" hits theaters.

World Premiere and Screening Dates Announced for "Small Apartments" at South by Southwest 2012

2012-02-15T16:43:00.006-05:00

The World Premiere of the dark, indie comedy "Small Apartments," directed by Jonas Akerlund with screenplay by Chris Millis and starring Matt Lucas, Billy Crystal, Johnny Knoxville, Juno Temple, James Caan, Dolph Lundgren, James Marsden, Rosie Perez, Peter Stormare and many more is scheduled for Saturday, March 10 at the South by Southwest Film Festival in the Narrative Spotlight Section at 9:15 PM in the Alamo Lamar A Theater, 1120 South Lamar Blvd, Austin TX. There will be FOUR screenings throughout the festival between March 10 and March 17. Full schedule here.

Featured in Liz Smith's Column...

2012-02-07T10:40:00.002-05:00

The below item ran in Liz Smith's Feb. 7 column. The column is featured on wowowow.com and syndicated in newspapers throughout the country.

SPOTTED AT NYC’s The London hotel: comics Tom Green, Rob Schneider (and Rob’s wife Patricia), and screenwriter Chris Millis. Rob was making the talk show rounds, pumping up his new CBS sitcom, “Rob,” which is doing very well after only four episodes. (These days, if a sitcom doesn’t explode after one week, it can disappear!)

By the time the Schneiders joined Green and Millis at the hotel, the kitchen had closed. But never underestimate the power of celebrity “handlers.” After some smooth talking, the staff at The London managed to keep the guys and the rest of the party in a good mood, well nourished and with no lack of libation. Nothing like a hit TV series to get a stove working again.

The full column can be seen here:

http://www.wowowow.com/liz-smith/liz-smith-the-big-takeover-its-chinatown-jake-or-mr-spielberg-or-mr-cameron-or-mr-scorsese/

The Playlist Names “Small Apartments” One Of Most Anticipated Indie Films Of 2012

2012-01-20T23:27:00.004-05:00

BY OLIVER LYTTELTON | JANUARY 10, 2012 | Indiewire.com

"Small Apartments"

Synopsis: An overweight man, Franklin Franklin, lives in an apartment complex and dreams of Switzerland, but finds his neighbors leaking into his life.

What You Need To Know: On the "randomly assembled cast" meter, only one film in 2012 is able to compete with "Battleship" -- "Small Apartments." The latest film from music video veteran Jonas Akerlund, it features among its ensemble James Caan, Billy Crystal, Johnny Knoxville, Rosie Perez and Dolph Lundgren. Based on Canadian (huh? Canadian?) writer Chris Millis' award-winning novel, British comedian Matt Lucas ("Bridesmaids," "Alice in Wonderland") toplines this quirky dark comedy, compared by some to "A Confederacy of Dunces," with Juno Temple, Amanda Plummer, Saffron Burrows, DJ Qualls, Rebel Wilson, Peter Stormare and David Koechner also along for the ride. Akerlund's hyperactive style did no favors to his near-unwatchable "Spun" or "Horsemen," but this seems like enough of an oddity that we're intrigued to see more. Also intriguing to note, ex-Roxette frontman Per Gessle is scoring the film (actually, Roxette is still touring and selling out stadiums).

When? Slated for Sundance, but absent from the line-up, we're sure it'll do the festival route later in the year. (“Small Apartments” will premiere in March 2012 at the South by Southwest Film Festival in Austin). Read full article here.

"Small Apartments" World Premiere at SXSW Film Festival in March

2012-01-19T18:46:00.005-05:00

From The Hollywood Reporter (1/12/12)...

Small Apartments (World Premiere)

Director: Jonas Åkerlund, Writer: Chris Millis

When Franklin Franklin accidentally kills his landlord, he must hide the body; but, the wisdom of his beloved brother and the quirks of his neighbors, force him on a journey where a fortune awaits him. Cast: Matt Lucas, Billy Crystal, James Caan, Johnny Knoxville, Juno Temple, James Marsden, Dolph Lundgren, Saffron Burrows, Rosie Perez, DJ Qualls. Full article here.

Host Billy Crystal in upcoming movie by writer Chris Millis

2012-01-15T13:42:00.005-05:00

By BARBARA LOMBARDO, The Saratogian

SARATOGA SPRINGS — An upcoming independent film written by Chris Millis of Saratoga Springs is getting a big, unanticipated boost: Playing a supporting role is Billy Crystal, who will be hosting the Oscars — just two weeks before the movie’s debut.

And Millis was also name-dropped in the New York Times.

“If you’ve been waiting to see Billy Crystal, last a movie lead nine years ago in ‘Analyze That,’ back on the big screen, wait no more,” wrote Michael Cieply in an item in Friday’s New York Times. “Directed by Jonas Akerlund, ‘Small Apartments’ is a comedy, based on a script and novel by Chris Millis, about a deadbeat who kills his landlord.”

“It’s awesome,” Millis said Saturday from Los Angeles about making the movie.

“I was on the set every day and worked very closely with Akerlund. He’s kind of a rocker dude. I love him,” he said.

Millis, a 1990 Saratoga Springs High School graduate, lives in Saratoga Springs with his wife, Lisa, and their twin boys, who will turn 5 this month.

During frequent trips to L.A., he stays with fellow Class of 1990 grad Scott Sheldon, who Millis said plays a police officer in “Small Apartments” and will also be a police officer this Thursday in the TV show “Private Practice” at 10 p.m. Thursday on ABC.

The novel “Small Apartments” was originally published in 2001 by Anvil Press. His first novel, it won the 23rd Annual International Three-Day Novel Contest.

Millis is now putting the finishing touches on the ebook, among other things.

“I have a bunch of open projects right now,” he said. “I am doing a film with Mark Piznarski, the director of the CW TV show ‘Gossip Girl.’ ”

“Small Apartments” will screen for the first time in mid-March at the South by Southwest festival in Austin, Texas, just two or three weeks after the Feb. 26 Oscars.

Millis adapted the screenplay and is executive producer.

In the movie, in addition to Crystal, are Matt Lucas, Johnny Knoxville, James Caan, Dolph Lundgren, Juno Temple, Peter Stormare, James Marsden, Amanda Plummer, Saffron Burrows, David Koechner, David Warshofsky, Rebel Wilson and Rosie Perez, according to Millis’ blog.

How the movie will be distributed after the festival has yet to be determined.

“I’d really love to do something big in Saratoga,” Millis said.

New Jonas Åkerlund film "Small Apartments" to feature soundtrack by Per Gessle

2012-01-13T15:08:00.004-05:00

As Per Gessle revealed today on Facebook, the songs he's recently written and recorded for a "soundtrack" are for Jonas Åkerlund's new movie "Small Apartments." Read the message by the man himself:

Yes Box Alright! I've done the soundtrack, based on the Son of a Plumber vibe, for Jonas Åkerlund's new movie "Small Apartments". The music has been recorded at the AGM Studio and as expected the mighty Mr Lundquist & Mr Ofwerman have been the cornerstones. The film? Well, it's a "dark comedy" (based on the S.A. novel) starring Matt Lucas, Billy Crystal, James Caan and Peter Stormare in the leading parts. And yes, it's a wonderful movie. And yes, there will be a soundtrack. And yes, we have to release it on vinyl as well. I'm really proud to be part of this. Cheers, P. (P.S. Jonas is God.)

The novel this movie is based upon was written by American writer Chris Millis in 2001. He has adapted the screenplay and is the executive producer of the movie. Here's the blurb for the book:

Small Apartments is the offbeat tale of an obese, slovenly peeping tom, his odd brother, his pothead neighbour, and their quest to hide the body of an unfortunate landlord. The story is accented along the way by murder, strange fingernail collections and the occasional blast from a treasured alphorn.

Behind-the-scenes photos of the shooting of the movie are available on Chris Millis' website and the complete cast is available on the Internet Movie Database.

Another soundtrack Per Gessle has contributed to in the past was that for the 2008 movie "Låt den rätte komma in (Let the Right One In)". In this movie, you can hear parts of the still officially unreleased song "Kvar i min bil (Left in My Car)".

Billy Crystal Returns to Big Screen at South by Southwest

2012-01-13T12:24:00.001-05:00

By MICHAEL CIEPLY, New York Times

LOS ANGELES— If you’ve been waiting to see Billy Crystal, last a movie lead nine years ago in “Analyze That,” back on the big screen, wait no more.

Jason Redmond/European Pressphoto AgencyBilly Crystal

Mr. Crystal, this year’s Oscar host, will appear in a supporting role in “Small Apartments,” an indie film that will screen at the South by Southwest festival in Austin, Tx., during a film program that runs from March 9 through March 17, the festival announced on Thursday. Directed by Jonas Åkerlund, “Small Apartments” is a comedy, based on a script and novel by Chris Millis, about a deadbeat who kills his landlord. Click here for New York Times article.

Co-star of "Small Apartments," Billy Crystal, to Host Oscars!

2011-11-17T09:12:00.003-05:00

The great Billy Crystal (pictured above with writer, Chris Millis), co-star of the upcoming dark indie comedy, "Small Apartments," will triumphantly return to host the 2012 Academy Awards broadcast. The cast, crew, and everyone else involved with the film is thrilled for Billy and can't wait to watch him remind the world, after a too-long hiatus, how entertaining the Oscars can be. ABC News article here.

On Solitude and Social Media

2011-09-05T12:28:00.001-04:00

"Office in a Small City," Edward Hopper, 1953

Recently I began re-reading Anthony Storr’s book Solitude: A Return to the Self. Storr, who died in 2001, was a Clinical Lecturer at Oxford and is best known for his books The Art of Psychotherapy and The Essential Jung, which he edited and also penned the introduction.

Much of Solitude deals with the dichotomy of the creative life. Writers and artists are paradoxically cursed with a fierce personal ambition and the longing for a sedentary lifestyle of solitude; a life of the mind. Storr writes, “The creative person is constantly seeking to discover himself, to remodel his own identity, and to find meaning in the universe by means of what he creates. He finds this to be a valuable integrating process which, like meditation or prayer, has little to do with other people, but which has its own separate validity. His most significant moments are those in which he attains some new insight, or makes some new discovery; and these moments are chiefly, if not invariably, those in which he is alone.”

I’d be hard-pressed to generate a truer statement about the creative process. Indeed, Storr’s insights are downright spooky in regard to the struggle creative people face every day when sitting down to work. Storr’s treatise on solitude was published in 1988, and as I read it and reflect on its content, I can’t help but see it in the context of today’s culture of online social media. We are told (by ever-fattening corporations and marketers) that being “connected” to everyone, all the time, is good for us; that it’s downright good for humanity (read, as always: It’s good for big business and third party operatives).

I maintain a healthy skepticism about the value of social media. What I see as its immediate and relevant value to me as a writer is my ability to establish and maintain a direct connection to a potential audience for my work. I believe there are people in the world (hopefully lots of them) who would dig what I do, if I could only locate them. So, I need to go out and find them. I have arrived at web site upkeep, Facebook, and Twitter reluctantly, and solely as tools to reach that potential audience for my work. But the true value of that potential audience is the ability to monetize my imagination. Because if a writer can’t find a way to monetize his (or her) imagination, then he has no choice but to go get a job making money doing something else, which results in his writing less or, frequently, not at all. Any professional writer who would argue otherwise is being disingenuous. Even as I write this (free) blog post, the immortal words of Dr. Johnson echo in my head, “No man but a blockhead ever wrote except for money.”

Conversely, there is a bizarre rallying cry that permeates to the far reaches of cyberspace. It says: “Give it away for free and you shall get rich!” Let’s set aside that impossible economic paradigm for a moment so we can focus solely on the perceived individual benefits of a ubiquitous connectiveness.

Storr writes, “The current emphasis upon intimate interpersonal relationships as the touchstone of health and happiness is a comparatively recent phenomenon … Many ordinary interests and the majority of creative pursuits involving real originality continue without involving relationships. It seems to me that what goes on in the human being when he is by himself is as important as what happens in his interactions with people … Love and friendship are, of course, an important part of what makes life worthwhile. But they are not the only source of happiness. Moreover, human beings change and develop as life goes on … The burden of value with which we are present loading interpersonal relationships is too heavy for those fragile craft to carry. Our expectation that satisfying intimate relationships should, ideally, provide happiness and that, if they do not, there must be something wrong with those relationships, seems to be exaggerated.”

Remember, Storr is writing this before the pervasiveness of the Internet. I think the authentic human benefits derived from focused solitude beg the questions: What is the purpose of maintaining your current status on Facebook? Why do you care if you build a large (and, therefore, mostly unkown-to-you) audience of followers on Twitter? Do you really care about other people’s comments on your blog or social media page? Really?

As a writer, social media becomes a flat-out necessity because publishers and other distributors of my original content have slashed publicity and marketing budgets. I’m forced, through my own devotion of wit, time, energy, cleverness, and – most of all – cash, to build my own following of individuals who enjoy what I do, subscribe to the value it adds to their lives, and are willing to pay to see more. (Quick Internet factoid: Artists used to be paid, and sometimes paid well, for original content. That’s how they made a living.)

The other half of writing is building the means by which to monetize my work, often from the ground up. The positive is that evolving technologies give me opportunities to reach a wider audience, more directly, than was ever before possible. The clear negative, of course, is that learning and keeping on pace with these ever-shifting technologies, locating and soliciting these elusive Internet “taste-makers,” aggregators, and disseminators of interesting and, hopefully, worthy original content (such as my own), and slowly building a core audience, is a royal pain in the ass. It’s also a monumental time-suck that runs counter to the primary objective of the artist, which is to create his art.

So, involvement in social media for creative people -- particularly those who understand that the Internet should be used primarily as a tool to monetize our imaginations to like-minded people interested in becoming customers of our content – evolves through our necessity to “build a platform.” To muster from scratch a consistently growing audience of willing eyes that the artist can speak to directly. This is often referred to as a “conversation” with our “fans” who “like” us. In the sense that it’s a conversation at all, I’m reminded of an exchange I had recently with the playwright Deborah Brevoort where I said, quite honestly, “I don’t mind that it’s considered a conversation, so long as it’s understood that that conversation is one-way.”

I’m not kidding. What value is added to a published piece through this bizarre vestigial digital tail known as the “comments section?” I believe the very concept promotes a false sense that all art, all content, is trapped in a constant organic flux, suspended in perpetual process, and that nothing is ever, really finished. Which is bullshit. I also believe that this spreading absence of a sense of completion is poisonous to our once brash, “can-do” American economy and society. Of course things can be, should be, and are finished. After all, it is each of us who will ultimately be finished, in our own time. Why not practice that cold fact on a micro-scale throughout our lifetimes so that we may at last learn to accept it as the only beings aware of our own mortality? It just may build into an overwhelming sense of accomplishment when we deliver our bag of dust and bones to the Reaper. You don’t like my published piece? Fair enough; go write and publish your own. I’m not giving you the opportunity to dangle off the end of mine with your random, ungrammatical musings. Instead, how about you exercise solitude and reflect on what you have just read? Absorb it. Give it time to disseminate throughout your gray matter. Perhaps, even, let it change you. And if for only that small possibility alone, I will provide no comment section for the reader to achieve an orgasmic relief of instant gratification by firing off a reflexive “post.”

Requiring a block of solitude every day for each person on the planet would, I think, be a galactic leap in human development. Real time alone with one’s private thoughts -- with no opportunity for outside commentary. Imagine the original opinions formed! Genuine quietude to drown out the incessant squawking of punditry, “reality” entertainments, and, most disturbing of all, the astonishing uselessness of our elected representatives. Politicians in particular are nothing but pure noise. And our diversions numb us.

Storr writes, “One of the most interesting features of any creative person’s work is how it changes over time. No highly creative person is ever satisfied with what he has done. Often indeed, after completing a project, he experiences a period of depression from which he is only relieved by embarking on the next piece of work. It seems to me that the capacity to create provides an irreplaceable opportunity for personal development in isolation. Most of us develop and mature primarily through interaction with others. Our passage through life is defined by our roles relative to others; as child, adolescent, spouse, parent, and grandparent. The artist or philosopher is able to mature primarily on his own. His passage through life is defined by the changing nature and increasing maturity of his work, rather than by his relations with others.”

I think the individual who is comfortable being alone spooks the hell out of people. In a culture strangely desperate to connect people with each other to such an obsessive degree that every technological advancement is geared toward strengthening a binary web of interconnectedness, each person must ask himself or herself one, simple question. It’s the question that seems to have been entirely discarded since the advent of technological “progress” over the last century, and yet it remains our most fundamental human question of all. The question, of course, is “Why?”

I think the anxiety artists experience in the vacuum solitary silence creates – and, for that matter, the silence created after a work has been released into the often bitter world of criticism – is a healthy sensation that should be protected and nourished. Existential psychologist Rollo May said, “I think anxiety, for people who have found their own heart and their own souls, for them it is stimulus toward creativity, toward courage. It’s what makes us human beings.”

Solitude is not a luxury for the creative person, it’s a goddamn requirement! Harlan Ellison once said, "I am an artist and should be exempt from shit." Indeed, many of the names that come to mind as towering intellects, individuals who produced essential works toward advancing the human adventure, did so in solitude, or what could at least be considered an abnormal disposition – a wariness – toward social contact beyond the minimum. But if they had not so treasured and protected their solitude, would they have even approached the production of such seminal works?

Storr again: “Kant, Wittgenstein and Newton were all men of genius who, however different they may have been in other ways, share a vast capacity for original, abstract thought with a lack of close involvement with other human beings. Indeed, it could be reasonably argued that, if they had had wives and families, their achievements would have been impossible. For the higher reaches of abstraction demand long periods of solitude and intense concentration which are hard to find if a man is subject to the emotional demands of a spouse and children.” (Storr writes throughout in the masculine, but of course the identical is true for women.) Storr's observations are in line with a quote I once ran across from Hunter S. Thompson, who wrote, "He knew the dead end loneliness of a person who makes his own life."

In this extended, but important, passage, Storr continues: “Psyco-analysts will point to the obvious fact that these three men were technically ‘abnormal’, and I concede that all three exhibited more than the usual share of what is usually deemed ‘psychopathology’. Nevertheless, all three survived and made important contributions to human knowledge and understanding which, I consider, they could not have made if they had not been predominantly solitary. Would they have been happier if they had been able, or more inclined, to seek personal fulfillment in love rather than in their work? It is impossible to say. What should be emphasized is that mankind would be infinitely the poorer if such men of genius were unable to flourish, and we must therefore consider that their traits of personality, as well as their high intelligence, are biologically adaptive. The psychopathology of such men is no more than an exaggeration of traits which can be found in all of us. We all need to find some order in the world, to make some sense out of our existence. Those who are particularly concerned with such a search bear witness to the fact that interpersonal relationships are not the only way of finding emotional fulfillment.”

Forget wives and families, can you imagine if Kant, Wittgenstein and Newton were also required to constantly update their Facebook, Twitter, and provide perpetual fresh content for their blogs to build their online platforms?

I suppose one could certainly argue that genius finds its audience and it is mediocrity, rather, that must market itself to the masses. And that’s a fair criticism. But I submit that there are individuals now with the mental capacities and potential contributions of a Kant, Wittgenstein, Newton, Steinbeck, Austen, etc. that are pissing away hours of invaluable solitude building their social media platforms while they should be deeply engaged in their vocation. What’s the greater benefit to society: A work of literary or scientific genius, created in deeply focused solitude, or amassing a hundred thousands followers on Twitter?

A New Yorker article on the eminent philosopher Derek Parfit in the Sept. 5, 2011 issue titled “How To Be Good” points out how Parfit circulated his manuscript for his opus “On What Matters” to over 150 philosophers for their notes and feedback and that the manuscript has been available online for years. This can be construed as open-sourcing of the highest magnitude. But I disagree. Parfit solicited commentary in the form of academic peer-review from fellow scholars and intellectuals in order to carefully consider all refutations and questions concerning his philosophical reasoning. He was not seeking slap-dash commentary from random Internet surfers. There’s a difference, you know.

I believe the true value of an acknowledgement and appreciation of solitude is that one must never assume, simply over the passage of time, that the unique contribution each individual harbors inside, and can potentially offer humanity, will inevitably be revealed. The revelation of your innate contribution is far from an inevitability. It must be mined and extracted, with great effort, like iron ore. And in order to do that, one must consciously and intentionally turn inward in isolation. The ambient noise of life must be silenced so that the voice within can be heard clearly.

I’m rarely one for religious quotables, but I freely credit Jesus when he speaks the truth. In the Gospel of Thomas (in my opinion the most personal and zen-like of the gospels and, of course, conspicuously absent from the King James Bible), Jesus is quoted as saying, “If you bring forth what is within you, what you bring forth will save you. If you do not bring forth what is within you, what you do not bring forth will destroy you.”

What a shame it would be to never discover what that innate, inner voice has to say while otherwise deeply engaged in social distractions. Only in solitude can one bring forth what is within them – to save themselves and, perhaps in the process, to save others. Isn’t that the true value of human connectedness?

The Situation's Book Turns Nine (months)

2011-08-27T15:10:00.006-04:00

Now that the pretty-much smash, international best-seller and probable recipient of the Nobel Prize for Literature or what-not has been showered with every single prestigious literary award and the adulation of relevant critics everywhere, it's time to take a breath, look back, and assess how the world has changed since the publication of this important book.

Weighing in at 133, modestly proportioned pages (many of which are covered in illustrations), it can now be proclaimed that Here's the Situation has taken its rightful place on the eternal shelf alongside the pantheon of indispensable volumes that have moved humanity forward, such as The Great Gatsby, Huckleberry Finn, The Catcher in the Rye, and Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood.

Since the release of "Here's," as it's affectionately referred to by university academics, we have witnessed such world-altering events as the 14th Dalai Lama stepping down as head of the Tibetan government so that he may focus his energies full time on creeping. We can only assume His Holiness will hit the clubs in his Lama Lama red pajamas.

The media (spit) refuses to cover this literary juggernaut. They have since moved on to cover newer titles, simply because "Here's" wasn't published this week. Well, consider such books as Anna Karenina, Charlotte's Web, and The Girls' Guide to Hunting and Fishing. All three continue to populate the canon of most reputable online associates degree literature programs -- and all three were published a REALLY LONG TIME AGO!

And yet, "Here's" languishes, gathering virtual dust on virtual bookshelves. Ask yourself: What is the industrialized media complex trying to hide?

Please, search out a copy of Here's the Situation (insist on the unexpurgated edition). You will know it by its oddly-selected cover art, featuring a design apparently aimed at no empirical demographic. And also, you will know it by the fact that only one edition exists.

Expand your mind. And, if you have time left over, read Here's the Situation. Each successive page will urgently remind you why every minute, of every day, is precious.

Don't own a copy?! Yo! I gotta do everything for ya?

Buy it here, dawg.

Read an academic review of Here's the Situation by Professor K. Shawnofski, a fellow of the Green Mountain Philosophical Society, here.

"Small Apartments" director Jonas Akerlund: Video Visionary

2011-07-03T11:04:00.003-04:00

Read the Wired magazine article. Follow Jonas's brief, and extremely rare tweets: @Akerlund_Jonas.

That's a Wrap!

2011-04-29T16:23:00.005-04:00

Principal photography on "Small Apartments" wrapped in the wee hours of the morning on Wednesday, April 27. We ended the shoot with a wonderfully deadpan, comic crime scene featuring Billy Crystal (@BillyCrystal), David Keochner (@davidkoechner), David Warshofsky, Scott Sheldon (@scottysheldon), and the charred, mangled special effects corpse of Peter Stormare. The star-studded film is pointing towards a premiere at Sundance 2012. Keep track on imdb.

"Small Apartments" On Track to Film in Spring 2011...

2011-01-31T22:38:00.012-05:00

Renowned music video director, Jonas Akerlund, will direct the marvelously talented British comic and stage performer, Matt Lucas (@RealMattLucas) ("Little Britain", "Alice in Wonderland", "Come Fly With Me"), in my adaptation of my 2001 debut novella, "Small Apartments." Read Mack Rawden's article about the project at Cinema Blend.

The cast features Billy Crystal, James Caan, Johnny Knoxville, Dolph Lundgren, James Marsden, Juno Temple, Peter Stormare, Saffron Burrows, David Keochner, David Warshofsky, Amanda Plummer, DJ Qualls, Rosie Perez, Rebel Wilson, Ned Bellamy, Angela Lindvall, and many more extraordinarily talented actors. The film shoots in Los Angeles in April.

Paradigm Bets on Online Poker Heist Comedy...

2010-11-28T13:03:00.006-05:00

Paradigm Agency's Independent Film Division in Los Angeles is developing my screenplay "On Tilt" (co-written with Dr. Christopher Marker). Goran Dukic ("Wristcutters: A Love Story") is attached to direct. "On Tilt" is the frenetically paced, dark-comic story of Jack Brennan, a young doctor who tries beating the system on a popular Native American-run online gaming site, soon finding himself in trouble way over his head. The project is being co-produced by myself, Marker, and Steve Katz and is now in casting.

Situationally Speaking...

2010-11-28T12:49:00.003-05:00

In 2010, I was James Boswell to Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino's abdominal musings. What began this spring as a tongue-in-cheek memoir project eventually boiled down to a satirical "guide for the GTL lifestyle" published by Gotham (Penguin) books. Mike is a great sport and deserves a lot of credit for his capacity for self-parody. He fields a blistering amount of vitriol -- especially online -- and it never seems to faze him. Criticism washes over Mike like water off a duck phone's back. As far as his book goes, I think the bottom line is: it's a pretty damn funny lampoon told with Colbert-style earnestness. Mike's tremendous popularity is rooted somewhere, so I just hope people give the book a chance. (Plus, I drew a bunch of illustrations for the book, too. So if you don't like the words, you can just color in the pictures.) Crack it open and see if it makes you laugh.

Quoting from the book during his "Tonight Show" monologue, Jay Leno said, "Mike 'The Situation' says before he sleeps with a girl he puts her in a hot tub at 200 degrees to kill any bacteria. How skanky are your girls if you have to boil them first?"

On his HBO show, "Real Time with Bill Maher," Maher said, "New rule: you can't publish a book if the only people interested in reading it don't know how to read. The 'Jersey Shore's' Mike 'The Situation' Sorrentino has a new book out, which raises the question: Can you get herpes from a book?"

There's only one way to find out...

Click here to purchase the national bestseller HERE'S THE SITUATION at amazon.com.

Test your Sitchtelligence: Take the Situation Quiz on the publisher's web site.

The Sitch is honored as one of GQ magazine's Men of the Year -- The "Sensation of 2010."

To stalk The Sitch's every movement, including upcoming media appearances, book signings, and tips for proper squat-thrust posture, follow him on Twitter @ItsTheSituation. Or join his more than 3.5 million Facebook followers here.

"That's what's up."

2010-10-22T23:55:00.009-04:00

Simon & Schuster hosted the launch party for Charlie Murphy's memoir, THE MAKING OF A STAND-UP GUY at Jay-Z's 40/40 club on West 25th Street in Manhattan. Many talented comedians and stars were in attendance, including Paul Mooney and Ice T. It was a great event and Charlie was most gracious and generous in his gratitude for the work we did together to tell his story and shape a book he could be proud to show the world.

In the past couple years, my writing projects have allowed for me to spend a lot of time in comedy clubs talking with veteran, as well as up-and-coming, comedians. Many have read Charlie's book because it's a comedian's book, chronicling Charlie's unlikely stand-up career that began at the age of 42.

I've also spoken with veterans of the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan who tell me that repeated viewings of "Chappelle's Show" on DVD is a staple of their overseas experience. They treasure those episodes as a necessary source of levity in the midst of dark circumstances and responsibilities.

Charlie is a true stand-up guy and a class act. Check out his story. You won't be disappointed.

Click here to purchase THE MAKING OF A STANDUP GUY at amazon.com. Follow Charlie on Twitter @cmurphycomedy.

"You Can Do It!"

2009-07-14T12:24:00.018-04:00

Rob Schneider is returning to television! CBS has picked up his pilot. It's Rob's first network sitcom since "Men Behaving Badly" 13 years ago. Read the industry announcement here.

I'm collaborating with Rob on his funny, thoughtful, and enlightening new memoir chronicling his first 25 years in the business.

Click here to purchase Rob's hilarious new comedy album, REGISTERED OFFENDER, at amazon.com. Check out his web site for upcoming dates on his world comedy tour. Follow him on Twitter @RobSchneider.

Lionsgate Options "God & California"

2009-07-14T12:19:00.004-04:00

Lionsgate Films options "God & California", my graduate thesis at Goddard College, as a feature film project.

"Tackling Larry Csonka" Screenplay

2009-07-14T11:57:00.009-04:00

My original screwball caper comedy feature screenplay, "Tackling Larry Csonka," is optioned by Ocean Size Pictures. This story was a direct result of my first dinner with Lionsgate president, Mike Paseornek, who recounted a story from years ago when, out of misdirected, drunken ambition, he tried to bring down the Hall of Fame halfback . He failed.

Three Great Books...

2008-01-09T19:36:00.011-05:00

Buy these three great works of fiction from my talented fellow graduates of the Creative Writing Program at Goddard College, Vermont. You'll be glad you did.

Name the Boy (Dan River Press, 2007) is a collection of stories about fathers and sons written in the vein of Hemingway if he had been raised on a lobster boat in New England. The author is Shawn Kerivan, the enigmatic college professor and Stowe innkeeper. If you enjoy Shawn's book, you may thank him by forwarding a bottle of Irish whiskey direct to the Auberge de Stowe, c/o the author.

Matthew Quick's debut novel, The Silver Linings Playbook (Farrar, Straus and Giroux, 2008), is a brilliantly paced and deftly gentle black comedy about Pat Peoples' struggle to avoid facing the dark, terrifying repressed memories of a terrible event that sent him spiraling into madness. Matt''s book is currently under option with The Weinstein Company and has been adapted for a feature film by writer/director David O. Russell (Three Kings, I Heart Huckabees) and will star Anne Hathaway. Also, check out Matt's terrific follow-up book for young adult readers, Sorta Like a Rock Star. And then check out his wife, Alicia Bessette's, debut novel, Simply from Scratch. They are a dynamic writing duo, indeed.

And Kiara Brinkman's debut novel, Up High In the Trees (Grove Press, 2008), is a beautifully written, first-person story told by a boy with Asperger's Syndrome.